A Pregnant Pause

I am not setting out to write my "mom-iors", but for posterity sake I wanted to document my entrance into motherhood as it has been the most significant metamorphosis that I have undergone in my 30 years on this earth. I started writing Vivi a letter during my pregnancy telling her about the most significant events, her first kicks, seeing her do cartwheels on the ultrasound, but as soon as she arrived I have proven to be a slacker of a mother, or as I like to sugarcoat it a "prioritize-r". I have always been a voyeur of others birth experiences, I am fascinated by birth and the unifying experience it provides all mothers, no matter how their babies arrive. I watched birth videos long before I was pregnant, deleting my history so Seth wouldn't get any crazy ideas. I was set on the birth experience that I wanted, and viewed it as a spiritual transformation. I would go in a woman, but come out a MOTHER. Seth and I took the standard birthing class, I read all of the hippie birthing books, Ida May, Birthing From within etc. I took to doing a pregnancy meditation every night as my favorite granola midwife suggested. I did prenatal yoga and ran up until 35 weeks. I didn't realize it until months after Vivi was born, but I liked pregnancy, I was good at it and most things felt well within my control. Then came my 38 week appointment. The nurse took my weight and height and had me sit for my blood pressure. She gave me a look and said, "I swear I heard something at 150, but that can't be right because I didn't hear anything else until 122." The midwife suggested that we take another reading before I left to be on the safe side, the rest of the appointment was uneventful, but when my blood pressure was taken again, it was still in the 150's. They took an electronic reading and it continued to be high, I had no protein in my urine, but was directed to the OB Triage for a battery of tests. Once there I was connected to fetal monitors, my blood was drawn and a non-stress test was preformed. Everything came back normal, baby was healthy and happy, but my blood pressure continued to remain high. I was given a large plastic bladder and instructed to fill it with 24 hours worth of my urine and sent home. I figured that my co-workers would not appreciate putting their lunches next to my urine bag, so I stayed home from work on Friday, with instructions to come in Monday to clinic for a follow up. I spent Friday peeing and saving it, getting things together for the baby and of course fretting about my blood pressure. We returned to the clinic on Monday, and I was prepared for the worst, that I would need to be induced. Seth was still living in denial and was making plans for the following day, but I knew we were headed for delivery. Sure enough my blood pressure was sky high, and we were told to pack our bags and have one last meal together as we were to report for induction that evening. The midwife checked me and I was 1 cm and 10% effaced. She stripped my membranes (which is no dance around the maypole)and we were sent home to pack our bag. I was surprisingly calm about all of this, I thought that there would be more gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands, but I accepted my fate and showed up to the hospital ready to have my baby. We were placed in "the good room" with a tub and the portable electronic monitors, I was given cervidil to get the party started and told to just lie flat and try to sleep and they would check me in the morning to see if I had made any progress. It was not the most restful night of sleep, as I was connected to a blood pressure cuff, two fetal monitors and had started having back labor. Seth was also on his own torture device which resembled a two by four with some padding. The following morning I was checked and was told that I was now a 3 and 80% effaced, I was told that I could labor without pitocin and they would see if my body would take over and go into labor on it's own. Vivi was turned slightly up, and the midwife suggested that we try to "Rebozo" her into place. This technique consisted of me on all fours while the midwife jostled my belly with a sheet. Say what you will about natural birthing practices, but that shit worked, back labor, gone. I got in the shower and the contractions all but went away, I was feeling discouraged as I really did not want to have Pitocin, but by the time I was out of the shower lotioning up, the contractions were back, and building momentum. I got on the birthing ball while Seth worked on his laptop. I remember thinking "I thought I would have more time between these bastards". The contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart, my mom stopped by for a visit, and I would have to stop talking to concentrate on breathing, but the pain was manageable. Seth continued his love affair with his mistress, physics, until the midwife suggested I get in the tub. I labored in the tub while Seth poured water over my belly, the contractions were becoming intense and I was no longer able to stay loose while they were happening. At some point I ended up on all fours in the tub, hanging my belly in the water. I was so out of it but had the wherewithal to know that I needed to poop...NOW, and above all else, I did not want to bathe in my own shit. As soon as I sat on the toilet, my water broke. The midwife asked me if I had any thoughts on where I would like to have the baby. "Right here" I replied, as the thought of moving seemed unmanageable to me. The midwife assured me that she had delivered babies over the toilet before, but suggested I move to the bed. I am unsure how long I pushed, and hour? Two? I know that I pushed in every position possible. The midwife asked if I was feeling the pain while I was pushing. Bitch must be crazy if she thought I couldn't feel it. "You need to push into that" which was the last thing I wanted to hear after enduring a natural labor, but I did, and after a few concentrated pushes, she was out. Crying and wide eyed. She was so alert and observant from the beginning, as Seth will proudly tell you, she is setting herself up for a lifetime of observation as a scientist. I was riding on Oxycontin high, I had never felt more powerful and yet weak in my entire life. Here I had brought this person into the world, and now I felt helpless as how to protect her, and that was all my brain could think was "I must make you LIVE". I wish that my next verse could be about how I loved her from the first minute, how I had never known a love like this before and how we all walked blissfully into the sunset. But that is not how it went down. I knew one thing, and one thing only and that was I was responsible for this person, and somewhere in my brain some wires must have crossed and equated parental responsibility with NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN. Little did I know, but I was standing on the platform of the crazy train, with my ticket punched, ready to board.

The Thursday Evening Post

I have forgotten how to write anything more substantial than a Facebook post, due to this long hiatus from the blog.
So instead of a paragraph, I will just 'post' a few things.

-My self esteem is so low, I worry what my therapist thinks of me.

-I refer to Maybe as 'nugget' or 'sausage' depending on the position she sleeps. The generic brand of Grape Nuts is called 'Nutty Nuggets'. Sounds about right.

- I have never given or received a hickey in romantic context, only joking, someone please explain this to Sergio's mother, who I am sure still views me as a harlot.

-Client quote of the day "You are my dick".

Interview with a Social Worker

I have been frantically applying for/ interviewing / being rejected by future jobs, and when I began this process I googled "Interview Tips". My thought process being,
"I have been out of the job market for a while, perhaps I should brush up on some basic helpful hints". I was surprised to learn that while I have taken my little 6 month sabbatical, the job force has apparently been inundated with slutty apes.
Here are some examples of interview "tips" I found: (paraphrased of course)


-Wear enough make-up to look like you give a shit, but not so much that you look like a prostitute.
-Men are sexist, so if you are interviewing with a man, wear a skirt and show some leg, but not so much leg that you look like a prostitute.
-Don't chew gum (Not being much of gum chewer, I was surprised that there were enough people out there smacking their gum in job interviews to necessitate this "tip")
-Look the interviewer in the eyes. (Because some applicants confuse their future employer with an aggressive dog)


I was feeling pretty confident about myself after reading the advice that was being given to job seekers. Until I went to my first few interviews and received the condescending rejection calls, or better, no calls at all. If you saw me in the flesh, the least you can do is be an adult and pick up your phone and let me know that I am inadequate.

Which of course would lead to me crying to Seth about how I will never find work, and him reminding me that I have only been looking for work seriously for the last three weeks. The good news for Seth is that I was offered a position yesterday working with chronically homeless veterans in a housing complex in Salt Lake. I am so excited to start putting my education to good use, and more importantly, feel less like the succubus at the bottom of my mom's stairs.

F*%$ Up

Seth and I have seen two movies in the last month that I related to more than I care to admit. Two weeks ago we saw Bridesmaids, I would worry about spoiler-ing it for you, but it has been out for three weeks and if you haven't seen it yet then I cannot possibly be the first person you've encountered to flap their gums about it.
Annie is struggling with her finances, love life and friendships, her business went under, her boyfriend left her, and her best friend has a life that is moving in a direction further and further from her. While Annie's situation is comically tragic, and her friend with benefits is Don Draper, her life also mirrors mine in that she is forced to move in with her mother, is broke and drives a car that eerily resembles the 1990 maroon tracer that I drove through my last year of grad school. While I know that I am married, and Seth has no choice but to stay with me unless he wants to move into the guest/Zoe's room and sleep in my day bed from when I was ten, you try having a picture perfect marriage while living under your parent's roof. Of course the movie has an almost Hollywood ending in that she ends up with the cop she meets in the first act, and makes up with her best friend just in time for the nuptials, it was still refreshing to have a protagonist that was flawed, and flailing.
Yesterday we saw Everything Must Go.
Nick has lost his job, his wife and home, and has recently fallen off the wagon. He lives in his front yard and sells all of his belongings in a five day yard sale. I know that I have yet to hit this kind of bottom, I loved how the creators of this character loved him even though he was almost despicable in his wallowing self destruction.
While these movies would fall into differing categories in my Netflix queue, they are both stories of recovery from life's follies and F*%$ ups. And right now, I need the reassurance that all is not lost, that I will rebound, that houses and babies and jobs with full benefits are on the horizon. It is also comforting to know that we pay to see the stories of lives that are not on the linear path.
So, if anyone would like to use my likeness for some sort of Eeyore type character, let me know... I retain animation rights.

Lucky 7

I ate seven cookies today.
I am pretty sure the number of cookies I consume daily directly correlates to how I feel. Today was hard, yesterday was worse. Last week was THE worst. But instead of drowning in self pity and in the true spirit of my religion of doing whatever Oprah tells me to do (Thanks Liz Lemon), I will regale you with what I did to make myself feel better, or rather to make tomorrow look like a four cookie kind of day.
1- I called my old practicum to offer my time to volunteer with Neighbors Helping Neighbors. It is an organization that I find remarkable and selfishly satisfying to work with.
2- I signed up to take drum lessons, something I have always wanted to know how to do, and now I will.
3- Thought about how on the scale of universal suffering 1 being hangnail 100 being genocide, I fall somewhere around 3. ( I mean, I do have a hangnail).
I did berate myself for not keeping a journal today, but when I look back on all of my journals they are just pathetic notebooks whose pages consist of petty jealousies and teenage longing, but I do have this blog to at least keep my future self appraised of the highlights of this time in life.
Oh and there won't be any pictures for a while because as luck would have it, feeling sorry for yourself and eating 7 cookies in one day results in adult acne.

Wake up and smell the basement

I feel that the last few months have been lived in a sort of alternate reality. It is as though I have stepped into the life of someone else, and am more of an observer, than actual participant. Yesterday it struck me, I need to stop doing this. While it may protect me from some unpleasant emotions, it deprives me of actually living my life. One of my yoga instructors called this "facing the truth". We may not like where we are in life, or our bodies, but that is no reason to ignore the facts. If I view the next 3-5 months as a life hiatus, I will float through this time like a pile of poop, wasting time that I could spend being alive right now. This post is taking a more new age-y route than I had originally intended, but the message is clear none the less, I will stop wasting precious time wishing for the life that I should have, and start involving myself in the life that I have right now.
Still no word from the remaining six schools to which Seth has applied, and I am trying this new method of communication called, "being supportive without whining about your own petty problems". I feel better already.
And now just because I haven't posted any pictures in a while, Maybe's most charming feature...

The Final Countdown!

Week three, slightly better than week two as far as craving nothing but sugar and fat, the struggle really lies in the lack of variety of your options. But halfway through the week, I realized that it wasn't junk food that I was craving, it was oatmeal, artisan bread and fancy cheese, and true to my senior citizen form I crawled out of bed this morning and made plain oatmeal with bananas and it was the most delicious breakfast I have ever had. The last few days of the Detox were made rough by the terrible cold that hit me late Friday night, the thought of spending an hour to prepare my lunch was enough to make me want to cry, and I just could NOT chop one more butternut squash for soup, so we cheated a little and picked up soup from Whole Foods, vegan, but mine had tomatoes, and it was heavenly.I was so excited to emerge from this cleanse a normal human being, ready to eat and drink and be merry, but alas that will still be a few days until I get over this affliction that causes me to sound like Christian Bale's batman when he went through puberty.
Weighed in this morning, and am down 10 1/2 bs, now if only I can avoid the the blocks of cheese that have been coming to me in my dreams the last three weeks.

The entire country of Egypt is in turmoil, and all I can thing about is grilled cheese

Along with detoxing my body, this diet has also cleansed what little fun I was having before out of my life. You never realize how much socialization revolves around food and drink, until you are forced to stop drinking anything fun and delicious, and stop eating anything that wasn't ripped from it's roots and set on your plate. As one who has never restricted what I ate ( I actually like all of the healthy stuff, my problem is that I like all of the unhealthy stuff too) this comes as a shock to your system. I was talking to one of my friends trying to set up a time to hang out, when he asked me if we could meet up last Saturday for drinks. We can meet you I replied, but we can't eat or drink anything. I have never been a huge sports fan, and as one who cares not for the outcome of a football game, this event is made even more banal by not having chips and beer to stuff down your gullet. Week two is supposed to be the hardest, and while the time is going by faster, the urge to bail is much stronger. Oh, and did you know those bastards at Costco have chocolate covered strawberries in BULK, because they do, today I watched as people put donuts, mini quiche and fresh bread on the conveyer belt, as the cashier asked me, "Do you need anything else?", I scanned the baby greens, frozen berries and kiwis, thinking if only you knew. Seth is talking crazy about eating burritos the day after the cleanse, which he is is free to do, but will not get any sympathy from me re: the terrible stomach aches and diarrhea that will ensue.
As far as how I feel, good. I was grumpy and unusually hungry yesterday, and it was all I could do to choke down another bowl of soup for dinner, but I am amazed at how well I am able to handle feeling hungry without resorting to tantrums and throwing up. I credit this to the diets design to keep the glycemic levels in your body stable. I haven't noticed any real difference in my skin, but it certainly hasn't gotten worse, and I just keep telling myself, think of all the garbage that would have passed through you had you not done the cleanse? Which is proven by the 5 1/2 pounds I lost last week...
In other news, I keep getting turned down for jobs that I am over qualified for, resulting in more time spent in the basement. I should just start playing Dungeons and Dragons now, and save myself the slow and steady decline into leech status. I am really not as depressing as this post would depict, I am grateful that we are near family and friends, and that there is a basement in which we can crash for the next few months. Oh! and Seth passed his drug test that had originally come back, "negative dillute" and is starting his orientation back at the U on Monday. He will be gone all day Valentines day, but it is not as though we have anything planned, I guess I could try and be cute and make some sort of "red soup" concoction.

I believe they call this "crawling back"

Well, we are officially back in Salt Lake City, we left Lafayette on the 20th, to start our 5 day road trip across the country. The weather co-operated for the most part, and there were only a few treacherous roads that we needed to maneuver, and by we I mean Seth ( I volunteered to drive, but he wouldn't let me, less out of chivalry than martyrdom though..). First night was spent in Chicago with Maribeth, unfortunately for her, we had spent the day finishing up the packing and cleaning that makes for some very lazy house guests. As we were leaving Chicago the next morning, our widows immediately frosted over, and the thermometer read 0. Proof that the Midwest is uninhabitable. Maybe was very well behaved in her crate for the entire trip, and only barked occasionally at other guests at the hotel in Sioux Falls. We stayed with my mom's former co-worker Sarah in Rapid City the next night, and while stuffed full of wax grilled cheese sandwiches from the small town diners, I agreed to try a three week vegan cleanse diet. Today marks my first day, and my stomach is presently reminding me that I have not met my carb and cheese quota for the day. More on this in a minute.* For the last leg of our trip, we stopped in Billings to visit my Grandma, who graciously gave us her bed for the night, and stuffed us full of pie. We arrived in Salt Lake on Monday to news of a new pseudo niece, Yvette Redman who arrived that morning on her mother's birthday. She is quite squeezy,and has the most beautifully round head of any new born to date, and did I mention that she is absolutely adorable? I would post pictures, but Kellie likes to keep a low internet profile, and who knows how many weirdos out there read my blog... Right there are six of you. I can see you on my sidebar. Congrats Kellie and Joseph!
We have unpacked and settled back into our lair living as trolls in Mom's basement. Seth is going back to work at the U for the next 5-6 months, and I am making a complete circle and applying for seasonal positions at local nurseries ( the job I had in High School ten years ago before I undertook 7 total years of higher education so that I didn't have to work in low level temporary seasonal positions for the rest of my life). Think about the irony. But hopefully we will be onto bigger and better things for the latter half of 2011, Seth received his masters diploma today, and confirmation of his American Board of Radiology application fulfillment, so that he may take his boards in August to start his official board certification. And once we know where we are headed for the PhD part of his scheme, then I can start studying for my liscensure test to prove that I memorized all of the correct theory, that is never applied in everyday practice. In the mean time, I will concentrate most of my energy on not feeling sorry for myself, at least I haven't worn out the welcome at moms...yet.
* The vegan cleanse is part of the CLEAN diet which is used to help you feel less like a pile of turds, increase energy, improve digestive function, and help break the sugar, fat, salt addiction that I have been feeding for the last 26 years. You have liquid meals for breakfast and dinner, no crazy lemonade concoctions here, just a smoothie with fresh fruit and nut milk, and then soups for dinner, this is supposed to be really easy on the digestive track, and then you have a real food meal for your lunch. The diet restricts anything that can cause irritation, which happen to have been my staples of vegetarian eating for the last 9 years, wheat, dairy, soy. I will update to keep you six informed of my progress, and of course to keep me honest.
And now, a reward for reading through all of my terrible grammer! Pictures from our move!

This New Year I resolve to become an adult.

I actually have a resolution this year, and it's a good one. I am going on a clothes diet. No clothes shopping for one year. In an effort to save money and the world, I am giving up on my favorite past time, spending what I don't have to buy more gray and black sweaters. This is also a great excuse to not resolve to loose any weight this year.
We have been in Salt Lake for the last two weeks, celebrating the holidays with our families and friends. It is so strange to be back, mostly because I know we will be hopping in the car upon our return to Indiana and making a b-line back to this very basement, but also in how I feel as though I never left. We spent Christmas morning with Dad and Sue, Chris, Candice, Zoe and Luc, having brunch and watching Zoe tear into presents. Oh, and holding baby Luc. And by holding I mean smothering. I had a hankerin' to hold that baby, and that is exactly what I did... for the next five hours. We spent the evening with Mom, making the fanciest of Christmas cocktails, and of course more food and baby holding. The rest of our time has been divided between Eric and Holly, and Kellie and her soon to be baby, who I will also smother. We spent New Year at Eric and Holly's with some of their friends, ringing in 2011 with plenty of Champagne, and a little self control, we are after all closer to 30 than 20. And Kellie and I are back to our old ritual of thrift store haggling and eating mexican.
Overall, it's been a great two weeks, here's hoping it is a foreshadow of the next five months.

More ramblings on sweat pants

Well, we are over half way through December, and I still have nothing to show for my life...
We went to El Paso for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with Seth's family, it was before the cold really hit here, so I was a little disappointed that the temperature was not much higher than here in Lafayette. Also a little disappointed that we didn't witness one drug related shooting or kidnapping, way to live up to your reputation Juarez.
Oh but the Mexican food. Words cannot describe the joy of shoving real Mexican food down my gullet for the first time in six months. Needless to say, I was quite gassy.
Seth has been busy with his last semester at Purdue, and looking forward to his future academic pursuits. I am looking forward to having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, because if I am being honest here, no one is here to witness if I change from my pajama pants to my workout pants, and there have been days that Seth has had to ask me if I had showered or even left the couch in the six hours that he has been away.
I have been doing some contract work with the Military Family Research Institute, which pays well, and forces me out of the sweat pants that have started to embed themselves around my waist. I drive to National Guard Members homes and interview them about their families, which is forcing me to eat my hat because when I left grad school I just KNEW I would never do research.
We will be back in Salt Lake for the holidays, and then will make a quick U turn upon arriving in Indiana and come right back for the foreseeable future while we await responses from the PhD programs that Seth has applied to. Nothing says 'making my own way' like moving into your mother's basement for the third time in your adult life.

A recap of November, and Marni inches a year closer to death.

I guess I should update this thing.
While I wish I could say that this short hiatus is due to adult responsibilities, I cannot. Unless you count hours spent in front of the computer watching old episodes of Teen Mom as adult responsibilities. Thanks to a very generous birthday gift from Alex, I was able to go to Seattle at the beginning of this month to visit with her and Danny, a much needed trip to the northwest, where I was able to interact with friends, an experience that I have not had much of in the last two months. My apologies to Alex and Danny for any awkwardness that may have ensued from my time in isolation. I was very glutinous, especially of the Mexican food, which if we have had a conversation in the last six months, no doubt I have whined to you about the lack luster velveeta stuffed Chile Rellenos that can be found in Indiana. We ate and drank and lounged, a Marni kind of weekend.
The following week Mom came out for her fist and last visit to the state, we were able to spend the afternoon in Indianapolis after she arrived. I tried to take her to the botanical gardens, but I guess they have "business hours" and closed at 5 pm, so we went wine tasting instead. Seth and I have discovered that there are actually quite a few local wineries here, and while some are classier than others, they are a welcome sight from the usual landscape of fast food chains and liquor stores. We wine tasted, hiked and ate organically. A mom kind of weekend.
Now on to the real news, Harry Potter 7 part 1. While I held out on reading these books as per my usual, "wait until something is no longer cool before I get balls deep into it". I will admit my reckless abandon no holds barred love for this series. I own that this may pigeon hole me into the ranks of the stay at home mom's who read the twilight series to capture the sexual tension and angst of their early teens, I have accepted this, and am willing to sacrifice my reputation, squelch any last traces of cool from my youth and just give in... Like freezing to death.
We will be heading to El Paso for Thanksgiving tomorrow, The first warm Thanksgiving of my life. I cannot wait for the Mexican food, I tried to convince Seth that we should forgo the traditional Thanksgiving fare for a more "South of the Boarder" approach, but he was not on board. Now for some pictures...
Oh, and I guess I turned 27, but does anyone really care about birthdays between 22-100?

Pictures for Seth

Seth expressed a belief that he was under-represented in this blog, so here are some pictures of the two of us, one at the Lafayette "Oktoberfest" and the second at the Snoop concert. Unfortunatly no pictures of my trip to Chicago as I forgot to pack the camera, bummer. At least Maribeth and I will always have our cherished memories....

Do-do post

I never considered myself to be a work-aholic, I have never had the urge to "always be doing", I used to be able to do nothing quite happily. My how times have changed. When one is forced into a state of "doing nothing" the restraints are just as confining as a full time job, but much less fulfilling. I wish I could just "do". We find ourselves thrown into another state of limbo here, now that Seth has decided to apply to different PhD programs. Now one thing is certain, and that is, there are no certainties.
The catalyst for this forlorn post is simple, the bill I received for my student loans today. Overwhelming in and of itself, but as I took my "eligibility quiz" for forbearance, I was asked to pick an end date to the delayed payment period. I burst into tears. I don't know the end date to this forbearance period of my life, let alone when we will be financially ready to start paying off my graduate school debts. I am filled with anger, anger that cannot be directed at any one thing in particular, it sits undefined as the lump in my throat, the tightness in my stomach. All because I cannot "do" anything about it. When I have struggled in the past, I was usually the cause of most of my hardship, and therefore could make changes to overcome and move through them. I dug myself out of debt, I restored my families trust that I could be relied upon to handle the responsibilities of being an adult, I took on these challenges and "did" something about them. Now there is nothing to "do" but wait, with patience and grace and support for the person who in my weaker moments I blame for putting me in this situation. I know the right answers, to just live in this moment, practice presence, do not get bogged down in the shameful past or unknown future. I know these things... but it is another thing entirely to "do" them.
In more uplifting news, I became an aunt 2x over last night, my auntie arms have been aching to cuddle with my new nephew, which will be another practice in patience as I will not get to meet him personally until December, by which time I may snatch him up and never return him.

I learned something new about myself, I hate James Joyce.

I wish I could say that I have some sort of writers block, but in all honesty, there has just been nothing to write about. My days are filled with forcing myself to watch the sixth season of " The Office" and laughing more because I want it to be funny than any actual comedic writing. Seth and I have been trying to keep busy with various festivals about town. Which have boiled down to "The Feast of the Hunters Moon" (an event where everything being sold has the prefix "ye olde".) And the local version of Oktoberfest, which is really just like the poor mans Fourth of July in October.
Ulysses defeated me. I got 100 pages in, and still had no idea why anyone would consider this a great piece of literature. Apparently it is a comparison to Homer's Odysseus.... Fine. Needless to say I will not be celebrating Blooms day with the Joyce fans come this June. I may be proclaiming myself to be an ignoramus, but I have vowed to never pick up another work by James Joyce for the remainder of my days. While in San Francisco I spoke with one of my cousin's friends, who is a literature professor at Cornell, who suggested that I may not relate to the writers on the Modern Library's Top 100 list because they are mostly middle aged white men who write about cheating on their wives, but she could not suggest an alternate list that would be more suited to my faithfully married young white unemployed tastes. I did some research of my own and found that Feminista! has put out a top 100 novels by female authors. Already I am much impressed, I just finished the Bastard out of Carolina, which was a story, with a plot, and characters who you could identify with. Well, maybe not me, as I have never lived in South Carolina, and I do know who my father is...

Pictures from the party

If you come to San Francisco Summertime will be a love-in there

Ahh San Francisco, being in a real city made me realize how much I want to be back in an urban environment. Just the novelty of sidewalks and shops with in walking distance was enough for me. I arrived in the morning and like a big girl, took the BART all by myself to my cousins office downtown. While riding a hobo serenaded me with "Easy like Sunday Morning". Another quality lacking from the country, the singing hobo. We get more of the stabbin' variety out here. At any rate, I was feeling so proud that I made it with Julia's directions, without getting lost or mugged, until I went back to the train to take a short jaunt two stops back so that I could walk around the mission area until Julia took off from work for the day. Then I made the fatal mistake of jumping on the Filmore train, which did not stop in the city, in fact it did not stop until we reached West Oakland. I managed to get back on a city train that took me to the mission and spent a good three hours walking the streets, sitting in the very hip Dolores Park, and buying delicious pastries from Tartine. I stayed outside the city with my aunt and uncle in Mill Valley, and spent the rest of the weekend eating, drinking wine and visiting with all of my aunts and uncles plus a few of my cousins and more than a few of their kids. Elizabeth and James are an adorable couple and their party was a perfect day filled with more food, wine and friendly bat gamin/volleyball tournaments.
One of my favorite parts of the weekend though, was getting to see everyone in Salt Lake on my way out, it is so strange to think that I have been gone for over four months. I have become an expert party planner of the pity variety when I think of all that I have/will miss out on. But I know that my connections to friends and family are greater than any distance that is put between us. I keep reminding myself that I have made friends in the past and am therefore somewhat likeable, so I should be able to connect with someone in the future, but then I also remember the many enemies that I have accumulated over the years...

This is how we do it, it's Friday night

Well, here we are. Friday night and I am blogging. To my credit I have actually been making an attempt at being a productive adult.
1) I filled out an application to read to senior citizens
2) I sold my juices for a sweet $35
3) I used my freshly acquired library card to pick up Ulysses by James Joyce
This brings me to my goal for the next 3 1/2 months, to read the Modern Library's best 100 novels (The boards list). If I have read the novel I am not re-reading it (Kiss it Faulkner, there is no way I am re-visiting a Light in August). This list made me feel entirely robbed from my high school lit classes. Most of the text that I digested in high school came from the book with the picture of the baseball player on it and consisted of various short stories by obscure unknown authors, or three page excerpts from more famous authors, I suppose the Jordan school district couldn't afford the copy rights. I have only read 5 of these books, three of these being way into my twenties. So I embark on this journey to become well read (it also doesn't hurt that I can accomplish this goal while lounging on the couch). Ulysses. Seth asked me what it was about, and much to my chagrin, I could not answer, but soon I will know, and when I find out, I will share it with you, as you can expect my posts to take on a much more pedantry air.
On that note, accomplishments two and three have me rubbing elbows with Lafayette's finest, the hobos. I am pretty sure that at any given point during the day, the entire homeless population of our town is either at the library or the plasma bank, and by January I hope to have a few new buddies who can teach me how to make a mean hobo chili.
Things are pretty dull here in Indiana, nothing really to report, Holly and Eric are coming to visit us for a few days on Sunday, which will be nice, because then we will get to really see all of the sights and tourist attractions of the Lafayette that you only visit when relatives are in town.....
Seth is putting his nose to the physics stone and is looking forward to graduating in a few months, or dreading it with the certainty of unemployment and eventual homelessness, it is hard to tell.

Shabbat Shalom ( aka a tribute to the big guy... Mike)

In honor of the Jewish new year, I am delighting you reader with a little treat. Over the course of the summer I received a Shabbat-o-gram in my mail box every Friday afternoon. These were from our Masada Unit Head Micheal (Big Mike). These little gems were so appreciated, that I saved them to share with the world, Enjoy!

First Week

Thank you for welcoming me to the Camp Livingston Family! I've had so much fun getting to know everyone and cannot wait to see how amazing this summer will be!
Shabbat Shalom,
Michael

Week Two
The start of the session has gone great
Lets continue to keep eating from a plate
Thank you for all of your hard work
I also have enjoyed some of your quirks
Lets continue to be a great team
And give our campers the summers of their dreams
Shabbat Shalom,
Michael

I have lost some of the poems, although I swear I saved them all, but I am not really sure of the order until the finale...

The summer is going by really fast
Make sure you take time to rest
It's been hot outside
Take your time and be a guide
Remember to try new things
and discover new mings
Remember to give it your all this week
and try not to be very very weak
Shabbat Shalom,
Micheal

The summer is beginning to come to a close
Please be sure to take home all your clothes
Please continue to give your campers a great experience
and do not stop running interference
I've loved working with all of you this summer
You do not want to end this summer on a bummer
I hope you have have a very enjoyable Shabbat
Let's not forget the lessons of cabbat
Shabbat Shalom,
Michael

I am so sad
I am going to become mad
The summer is coming to a close
Please don't leave any clothes
Why do our campers need to leave soon
Why are we going to be left with all this room
Thanks for all of the great work you have done
I have had so much fun
I hope I will see you all next year
I am going to shed a tear
Keep in touch as you go on your separate paths
Be sure to take lots of baths
Please call me and talk about your life
Don't leave and cut yourself with a knife
You have changed my life for the better
Please please please send me a letter
It's not goodbye, it's just lehitraot
Don't forget the song for hadaoat
Shabbat Shalom,
Michael

Shabbat Shalom Everyone!

The reality is setting in

I arrived in Chicago after 19 hours flight time, and 23 hours total travel time. It was so strange to jump back into American convenience and organization. It was about 8:00pm by the time I got through customs and then we had the two hour drive home (and the one hour time difference) getting us to Lafayette at about 11:00pm. I had visions of a luxurious bath, but instead plopped my dirty self down into bed and slept.
(The inevitable scrubbing did come the next morning).
It is so strange to go from this summer, or this last year I guess, of constant occupation, to having NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING to do. You would think that at least with this lull, would come a sense of relaxation, what with having no obligations and all, but there is this annoying little voice in the back of my head that says, "Enjoy it while it lasts, because soon you will be working at Walmart to pay off your student loans." I laugh at this now, but I am sure in a couple of months I will be begging to restock shelves. Oddly enough, I don't feel a sense of doom with the uncertainty of the next year, either everything is going to work itself out, or my brain is protecting me from the crippling anxiety that if I felt in it's entirety, would make my heart explode.
But there are still clothes to unpack, dogs to be walked and logistics of moving out of state for the first time in 18 years to be dealt with, not to mention the Lord of the Rings Marathon that I am planning for later today.... so I suppose I will be kept busy for the next few hours at least.